Embracing the Shadows

I've had this eerie feeling following me lately.  Something I can no longer out run, yet if asked I don't have any real answers as to why things are as they have been.  Sorry, I'm speaking in circles... let me clarify.

Ever have the feeling as if your life is progressing in the usual forward motion, whilst your dreams are pulling you in reverse?  I mean, my life is filled with blessings, trials, tribulations, triumphs and everything in between; yet my sleeping life has me stuck on pause or even worse, they have me going in rewind.  For instance, I experience an alternate reality while I sleep, one that has me playing the lead along with several co-starring characters at once.  Most of the time I am completely aware that I am dreaming and have control over my actions;  I tell myself to look for key markers (time, location, small details, emotions, etc); while navigating this other world.  I must admit that it leaves me quite exhausted in my waking life because most likely, I feel as if I never truly rest.  But that isn't the part I want to focus on right now...

This other world seems to cast shadow of the actions of my past.  It regenerates moments that have brought me to where I am today through actions not necessarily fitting or in-line with who most people think me to be.  This world reminds me where I have come from and not only aims to keep me grounded; but it serves to oftentimes bury me in my past decisions.  I equate this to a night of excessive drinking replayed over-and-over as if it were Bill Murray's, Groundhog Day.  I mean can you imagine? Reliving what you feel to be the darkest moments of your life in what feels to be an indefinite loop cycle?!  Yes, it sucks!

BUT, as with all things, if I am to continue successfully on this journey I must cast aside my gag-reflex and delve deeper into what I am being shown if I wish to learn my life's lesson.  I must ask myself: 

• What emotions does this dream state stir within?
• Even further, why are these emotions so raw? 
• Have I not faced this former reality to the fullest extent of my existence and am therefore being held in a loop until I address the past?  

The ironic part of it all is that I have always been the person to play the hard role.  In that I am not affected by much outside myself, let alone what is within.  I get over things quickly, and to the outside eye, effortlessly.  I manage the role of unbreakable soldier, while harboring the sensitivities of the world within my heart.  Of course I am learning to merge the worlds that exist within, so that I may better serve the world outside of myself.  However, that leaves such issues as addressing the darkness within me, whether it is the shadows of my past or the moments as they occur in the present.  

Point being... I understand that we all have parts of ourselves that we would rather dismiss or force into the shadows, for whatever reasons.  Yet, if we are to successfully manage the tightrope of our higher-selves we must not pretend this side of us doesn't exist; instead we must embrace the shadows.  Dive into them, in order to truly understand the workings of self.  After all, we can never rise into our true promise and power if we leave a major part of our souls in the past.

Do you think it might be time to explore and understand your shadows?  Remember, we can only run so long until we must pause to catch breath.  

*Peace and Blessings*

 

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