Fighting Emotions
Gawd! -- Now you know I mean business
Lately I have been fighting emotions. I know, I know.... shame on me. But old habits are hard to break and I am innately a fighter. My natural instinct is self preservation; so in order to preserve, I often swallow down the lumps of emotional outbursts that tempt to bypass the ceiling I created years ago. You see, I have been through so very much throughout my life. It seems as if even my welcome to this world was rewarded by the death of my father; I've had struggles throughout my life that have led me down the path of destructive behavior; the list goes on-and-on, but I won't hash out the play-by-plays (we'll save that for the book). I'll just say that I've had more than my fair share of shyt slung across my path and my person. The layers to my existence only peel away to reveal the labyrinth of additional layers that have yet to be discovered.
However, it feels as if my emotions are extending beyond myself lately. Yes, I'm aware that it is the Empath in me that draws out and tends to absorb/feel the emotions and physical dealings of those around me. I am working on grounding better so that I can understand the feelings instead of taking them into myself. Yet it seems as if my sensitivity is becoming sharpened in a manner that would make the best katana resemble a rusty butter knife.
It's gotta be more than my empathy taking over. I've read in many places that enlightenment and awakening are interconnected with the emotions tied to love and heartbreak.
Bottom line is that I need to release any notions of who I am, and instead allow myself to simply be. It's not about labels, it's not about my past, and it's not about my future... It is about the moment that I have right here, right now. Of course I will continue to learn from any place, moment and time that spirit brings to my soul's attention, but I will do my best not to allow my ego to force issues for the sake of conversation.
*Peace and Blessings*
Lately I have been fighting emotions. I know, I know.... shame on me. But old habits are hard to break and I am innately a fighter. My natural instinct is self preservation; so in order to preserve, I often swallow down the lumps of emotional outbursts that tempt to bypass the ceiling I created years ago. You see, I have been through so very much throughout my life. It seems as if even my welcome to this world was rewarded by the death of my father; I've had struggles throughout my life that have led me down the path of destructive behavior; the list goes on-and-on, but I won't hash out the play-by-plays (we'll save that for the book). I'll just say that I've had more than my fair share of shyt slung across my path and my person. The layers to my existence only peel away to reveal the labyrinth of additional layers that have yet to be discovered.
However, it feels as if my emotions are extending beyond myself lately. Yes, I'm aware that it is the Empath in me that draws out and tends to absorb/feel the emotions and physical dealings of those around me. I am working on grounding better so that I can understand the feelings instead of taking them into myself. Yet it seems as if my sensitivity is becoming sharpened in a manner that would make the best katana resemble a rusty butter knife.
It's gotta be more than my empathy taking over. I've read in many places that enlightenment and awakening are interconnected with the emotions tied to love and heartbreak.
"The joy is your sorrow unmasked... The deeper the sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." -Kahlil GibranI don't presume to be anywhere near enlightenment; as I know that would be my ego feeding my soul, in turn, misguiding my journey. Instead I embrace the understanding that this road is one of constant beginnings. I know that I must allow the emotions to flow as naturally as they come. But I must also be forgiving of myself in that this too is a new beginning because I am no longer fighting against the grain of my emotions wanting to surface to a place of complete transparency.
Bottom line is that I need to release any notions of who I am, and instead allow myself to simply be. It's not about labels, it's not about my past, and it's not about my future... It is about the moment that I have right here, right now. Of course I will continue to learn from any place, moment and time that spirit brings to my soul's attention, but I will do my best not to allow my ego to force issues for the sake of conversation.
*Peace and Blessings*
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