Second Guessing

I have the nagging tendency to second guess myself.  It's the absolute worst when I send a message and there is a delay in response.  I wonder if my message is being misconstrued, if I worded myself too harshly or if my personality/ humor were too much for the person on the receiving end.  This used to drive me nuts!  The good news is that I'm learning to release the inclination to second guess myself for the sake of others and to allow myself to flow more naturally.  

I actually now get a kick out of the odd facial expressions I so often receive in response to the things that I say.  For instance, the other day I had to go in for an MRI of my head because of aftermath from my getting hit in the head by falling ice from a 4 story building several weeks back (that's a while other story).  So imagine if you will; I go in for the 30-minute closed MRI.  My head is padded by pieces of foam to prevent movement and then encapsulated in this gnarly football lookin' helmet-thingy (that's the official medical term).  After I'm completely secured in place, I am moved via conveyor belt into a metal tube that had light fluorescent lighting on the inside.  It reminded me of a sealed tanning bed with fewer bulbs, but I digress.

Once in the machine, there were these noises that began to go off at different times.  My mind began to drift in order to block the intense migraine that was being ushered in by the beating of what sounded like a thousand drums, among a thunderstorm, at a construction site.  Man did my mind wander while in there!  I mean, I went from wondering how I would escape such a contraption in the event of a zombie apocalypse, to envisioning myself as being in an alternate reality that involved me being in the center of a sacred drum circle as rite of passage.  

After the test was completed and I was back out of the machine, I couldn't help but say my first thoughts upon seeing the techs.

Me:  "Man that is like a medieval torture device!  Is its sole purpose to bring on pain?  All those drum beats, I thought I was in a rave... *looks around*.... soooo, where is the DJ booth?"
Techs: *uncomfortable chuckle* "I know, right" 

LOL seems as though I am getting a lot more uncomfortable chuckles lately; but the awesome thing is... They don't bother me one bit!   I am learning how to ease up on the second guessing.  That doesn't go to say that I have completely stopped with the over thinking or having the inclination to explain myself in situations that I'm just being myself, but I am get better.  And this journey is about celebrating the accomplishments!  So, YAY ME!!!!  Lol

Remember, every little bit helps when it comes to becoming a better you for the sake of the bigger picture.  Not everyone will understand your journey, your decisions or even your lifestyle but that's OK.  The beauty in this world lies in its diversity, not in its ability to mass produce carbon copies.  Be your amazingly awesome self... there is no one better!  

*Peace and Blessings*

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