Live Organically

I am so tempted to blame Mercury Retrograde for what I perceive to be the craziness that attempts to saunter into my life right now.  Yet, it's not even in full swing yet, making it a pointless scapegoat.  Instead I'm ready to take this proverbial shit, head-on and assume complete responsibility for my role.  I realize that I am only perturbed by anything because it is something that I have yet to deal with within myself.  

For instance, I often tell others about my upcoming activities; just to keep them in the loop of my life because that's how I share with my friends and family.  Yet, I would find myself constantly feeling irritated if there were no follow-up questions about said events.  I'd think, "what the hell?!  Now I know I told so-and-so about my doctor's appointment, so why in the h-e-double hockey sticks didn't they ask me about it?!!!"  Then I would sit with a Cheshire grin swept across my face as I internalized the anger and resentment.  

Another example would be my shying away from direct questions relating to my well-being.  If someone asked how I was doing, I would keep it nice and generic with a simple, "good" as my response.  Whilst I knew full and well that I was not good.  Of course this was for several reasons.  At times I simply wasn't prepared to face my situation head-on and therefore needed to buy time by giving a filler answer instead of the truth.  Or I might've been taking heed to the, fake it until I make it credo, by trying to breathe positive life into a potentially negative situation.

Regardless of the why and the how for the aforementioned scenarios; for me, I have seen the light!  I am recognizing through observation and direct research that not everyone feels things in the manner that I do.  I understand that in many of the situations I find myself in, I was the only one to blame.  True enough, I often had and continue to have hyper-sensitive emotions due to empathic-confusion.

Empathic- confusion is simply my made-up way of saying that I often can't tell if my feelings are truly that of my own, or if I am simply picking up the emotions of another due to my intuitive sensitivities.

You see, I never stopped to claim my own emotions and therefore reacted off of the vibrations of those in which I was interacting.  I would then blame others for things that they often weren't even aware they had done.  Our emotions can be so jacked up... that even we as individuals don't know how to sort them.  Whether it is because we are too busy trying to deny those emotions, or because we simply are unaware they exist.

Yet my focus must once again go inward to discover why I get so irritated during these scenarios, and this is where my lessons hide.  More often than not, the other person has no clue as to what is going on in my mind.  The made-up drama that I've created, the perceived miscommunication, the warm welcome that I grant division towards what is actually an OK situation.  It is in these moments that I realize that resolution is so simple, which is probably why for so long it evaded being the obvious truth.  No, not everyone reads minds, not everyone feels the emotions of others on a deep level, and most people don't intentionally overlook another for the sake of self.  So instead of creating problems that don't actually exist, I need but continue to live, speak, and breathe my truth.  I must live organically if I wish to continue this journey towards a happy today.  I mustn't allow demonic whispers to pull me into a storm of discontent.  I will take the words of others at face value, until I am shown otherwise.  And I most certainly will not create my own storms based on false notions.  

I am happy because I choose to be.

*Peace and Blessings*

 

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