Seek Permission

January 19, 2015

Seek Permission

Even as I give myself permission to be comfortable in my own skin, I sit here and notice something about me. I'm still seeking consent to be the emotional wreck that is, Marisa. Now I don't know if it's Mercury Retrograde approaching or a major discovery about something that I've long pushed away, but I'm kind of a 'cry baby' right now. I can't say that the tears are coming from any place specific, more than they are a blanket of emotions that I've long pushed away. I thought I had addressed everything, I thought I had gotten things out of my system... but here I am, listening to India Arie and there they are again, welling up in my eyes, making it difficult to see the screen as I type these words.

Could it be that the music I'm listening to is driving me deeper into my feelings, creating a spiral of emotional purge leaving me with tear stained cheeks? Or do I just need to let some shit out? Perhaps it's a bit of both.

The interesting thing is that I noticed when I mentioned my current 'state' to another... I was almost seeking their permission to let the tears flow without judgment. As if I must still refrain from releasing my emotions because I must always represent some pillar of strength regardless of where my heart lies. In this moment, I am seeing that the shackles I thought to have freed myself from are open, yet I haven't removed them.

Why do we hide our truth? Why do we feel ashamed of our feelings?

Excuse me while I listen to some more India... It's about to get real around these here parts.

Nothing like a good cleanse. I'll just call this an ex-lax for the soul. (Oh yea, I went there.) Either that... or my Empath senses are going off in a major way and if that's the case... email me, because we need to chat pronto!

*Peace and Blessings*