Perfect and Isht

March 09, 2015

Perfect and Isht

So I just finished my first week of the mentorship program, which I truly can't speak highly enough of. However the sucky (depending on how you look at it) part is that it's bringing out the good and the 'bad' from within. For instance, we just had a call and I was literally scared out of my mind! I kept thinking about what I was going to say before I said it. Every time the phone got silent after I spoke I went into a dark spiral of self-doubt and judgment. My initial thought to everything I said was, "Marisa, you're an idiot."

Then as the call went on, I heard people discuss their fear of judgment as highly sensitive people. Come to find out, it's kinda an Empath thing. You see it wasn't about my fear of judgment from others as much as it was me being my harshest and darkest critic. I'm noticing that the same allowances I give to others; that endless permission for them to be themselves and still be loved without fear of judgment is the very thing that I'm not granting myself. Isn't it funny how life works?

Insight being gained from every corner as long as we are willing to look and receive.

I've got to admit that I still feel rather shaken. I wasn't on a podium speaking before a huge crowd... but boy-o-boy; that anxiety!

I also learned the term, holding space. This apparently is creating a bubble that allows people the freedom to be themselves without judgment. It grants people freedom to have their moments/feelings expressed openly without being made to feel as if they are imperfect humans. Makes me wonder... I know that I always hold space for others as I counsel and guide; perhaps it's time that I hold a little space for myself.

Bottom line is this: It's time to drop the judgments! I'm not saying it's gonna be easy, but it sure as heckfire is necessary! This may seem like my personal journey, but I'm beginning to understand that it isn't just about me. This is about reaching those that have felt alone, judged or invisible. My moments aren't always 'cute' or 'pretty'; they are transparency with a side of get your shit together. So it's not about being 'perfect' as I stress myself out for it to be; it's about souls connecting on a real level.

Are you ready to drop the judgments and let your flawesome realness show?

*Peace and Blessings*