Truths Revealed

These past few days I've been down in the dumps, then looking for the silver lining to make myself feel better... Theeeennnnnn back to being in the dumps. It's been a serious emotional roller-coaster, making me feel completely insane; and that's putting it in its mildest form. However, I was given a great opportunity this weekend that opened my eyes in the nick of time!

Friday, I was treated to a surprise dinner outing by my husband and daughters. Then on Saturday I had a lovely day with my family of heading to the farmer's market, shopping and even picking up a super gorgeous new dress! Yet and still, I found myself feeling a deep seeded void within my heart. Yes, I was happy in the moments, but was it enough? By the time night fell I could only manage to see the things that I did not have, and my green-eyed monster snuck her way out from behind the momentary appeasement. I felt as if I was simply being humored as opposed to truly being treated out of genuine desires.

I started to climb into my head, retreating into the darkest corners that existed within my being. Feeling jealous, sad, angry, resentful and a host of other not-so-pretty emotions. Then I found myself feeling guilty for even having those feelings! Talk about a bad spiral of bullshit!

I bet you're wondering where the silver lining is? Well, I'll tell ya!

On Sunday I scheduled myself for a walking meditation. To be quite honest, I had no real clue what I was getting myself into, but I knew I needed something... anything that would allow me to pull myself up by my bootstraps. So I went and wouldn't ya know it; the garden (location of the event) was CLOSED! I nearly started to cry. It was hot (as hell) and I had by this time walked around the entire Museum of Science and Industry's perimeter twice (frontwards and backwards); no exaggeration. I kept looking for the other mothers from the group. Of course I had never met them before, so I was just pretty much looking for women walking together, looking serene (or something like that).

Did I find them?.... NOPE! Again, I started to cuss in my mind.

Thinking to myself, "This is some bullshit! I rode an hour and a half on a train and bus to find nothing! Yup, if this isn't an old school Marisa Moment, I don't know what is!"

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks! I stopped and looked around... There was peace, tranquility and beauty all around me! But I was so busy searching for my planned event, that I nearly missed the true life event taking place around me!

"Breathe Marisa... Slow Down and Just Breathe! Look around yourself... you control nothing and everything is not about you."

It was in this moment that I decided to carry on a walk by myself. Yes, I was hot and I could literally see my arms darkening with each step... annnndddd my deodorant may or may not have started to give out; but you know what?... I understood and was at peace.

It's funny how I always have such expectations, yet in the back of my mind I doubt them coming to fruition; creating some sort of weird self-fulfilling prophecy. I thought I was getting out of that habit; but this past week has shown light onto the fact that old habits die hard. Yet, I'm not going to get down on myself for being human and having a very human moment... Instead I'll learn from the experience and pray to the Lord that it doesn't repeat! {Real Talk because it wasn't fun.

I've actually signed up for another meditation this weekend and I know that it will be great! It's my opportunity to not only do something that will heal me (physically, mentally and spiritually); but it is a reminder to stop rushing around the building and revel in the beauty and blessings that exist ALL Around. (see what I did there?)

Note to self:
Remember, it's not always about receiving the nice/neat answers that you want as much as it is about accepting the answers that you need.

Now I ask you.. Are you looking in the right places and willing to accept the answers, no matter wht form they come in?


*Peace and Blessings*



Facebook     |     @MarisaMoments
Marisa Moments: Visions on YOUTUBE             NEW!!!! Marisa Moments HSP Video Series
 ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Your support is greatly appreciated

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Purchase your copy of, "Marisa Moments: Begin YOUR Journey" TODAY!!!
Amazon [Paperback - $9.00]
Amazon Kindle [Kindle - $2.99]


Comments

Popular Posts