Absorbing Bullshyt
I'm an Empath and a Highly Sensitive Person... I'm not sure which came first, then again I don't think the proverbial chicken or the egg rationale is important in this situation. I'm just throwing out some labels that have been tied to my existence as a bridge to my point....
This past weekend I went to visit my family in Indiana. It was a brief 1.5 day trip, but it was great! For the first time in a very, very long time I relaxed! I wasn't worried about my girls getting hurt, or breaking up their fights... I wasn't thinking about what I needed to make for breakfast, lunch or dinner... I wasn't concerned about anything really. I simply existed within each moment as they arose. I think it's funny in a way, how being around those that you grew-up with can bring out the carefree sensations of being a child once more. I played in the pool, while sporting an oh-so-fashionable, shower cap [because I just got my hair dyed, and we don't play with our hair! (ladies and some gents know exactly what I mean)]. Anywho, I wasn't worried about how someone might think I appeared... I just had fun!
Then as Sunday came, I found myself regaining my responsibilities; thinking about the things that would need to be done upon my return home. Making sure to check, double-check and even triple check to ensure we didn't forget any of the things we had brought with us. I was back into Full 'Mommy-Mode'... but there was something more than that. It was as if the control beast was hovering over my shoulder to remind me that relaxation was not in the cards for me.
Then upon my return home... BAM... my youngest goes Tasmanian Devil while being prepared for bedtime. Don't get me wrong; there is nothing foreign or abnormal about a kid's meltdown right before bed, it was simply the timing of it all that felt like a ton of bricks crashing me back down to Earth and snapping me back into 'my place'. And of course when things like this happen, the HSP/Empath in me finds it difficult to simply look beyond the normal behavior of a 3-year old and instead I internalize and absorb the emotions to the point of taking in the frustrations as my own. Then what do we have?... A pissed off 3-year old AND 36-year old. This ain't a good look, y'all!
For me, I understand that I have way more work to do along my journey. I must embrace the fact that it's OK to exhale and trust/ allow others to take up some slack especially when I feel to be carrying the bulk. I see that I MUST carve out time for myself in order to retain some semblance of sanity because although being a stay-at-home-mom is rewarding [my kids paid me to say that]; it is also very, very challenging. And although I AM Super Woman, I don't have to always wear my cape.
Me thinks it's time to broaden my arm span again...
*Peace and Blessings*
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Your support is greatly appreciated
This past weekend I went to visit my family in Indiana. It was a brief 1.5 day trip, but it was great! For the first time in a very, very long time I relaxed! I wasn't worried about my girls getting hurt, or breaking up their fights... I wasn't thinking about what I needed to make for breakfast, lunch or dinner... I wasn't concerned about anything really. I simply existed within each moment as they arose. I think it's funny in a way, how being around those that you grew-up with can bring out the carefree sensations of being a child once more. I played in the pool, while sporting an oh-so-fashionable, shower cap [because I just got my hair dyed, and we don't play with our hair! (ladies and some gents know exactly what I mean)]. Anywho, I wasn't worried about how someone might think I appeared... I just had fun!
Then as Sunday came, I found myself regaining my responsibilities; thinking about the things that would need to be done upon my return home. Making sure to check, double-check and even triple check to ensure we didn't forget any of the things we had brought with us. I was back into Full 'Mommy-Mode'... but there was something more than that. It was as if the control beast was hovering over my shoulder to remind me that relaxation was not in the cards for me.
Why is that?
Why am I not allowed to relax, relate and release in the same manner as those around me?
What am I missing?
.....................................
It's in these moments that I have to force myself to take a big ass step back to remind myself that, "Marisa, the weight of the world is NOT on your shoulders alone. It is ok to breathe and to let your hair down; enjoy the human experience."
Then upon my return home... BAM... my youngest goes Tasmanian Devil while being prepared for bedtime. Don't get me wrong; there is nothing foreign or abnormal about a kid's meltdown right before bed, it was simply the timing of it all that felt like a ton of bricks crashing me back down to Earth and snapping me back into 'my place'. And of course when things like this happen, the HSP/Empath in me finds it difficult to simply look beyond the normal behavior of a 3-year old and instead I internalize and absorb the emotions to the point of taking in the frustrations as my own. Then what do we have?... A pissed off 3-year old AND 36-year old. This ain't a good look, y'all!
So what was the point of it all? Where is the lesson?
For me, I understand that I have way more work to do along my journey. I must embrace the fact that it's OK to exhale and trust/ allow others to take up some slack especially when I feel to be carrying the bulk. I see that I MUST carve out time for myself in order to retain some semblance of sanity because although being a stay-at-home-mom is rewarding [my kids paid me to say that]; it is also very, very challenging. And although I AM Super Woman, I don't have to always wear my cape.
Me thinks it's time to broaden my arm span again...
*Peace and Blessings*
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
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