I'm a Monster

November 05, 2015

I'm a Monster

I've been slowing shit down a-lot lately.... OK, so I might not have had a choice in the matter; but I'm actually following directions this time around (I think). I'm discovering tons about myself in this lull period.

First, I started to have mood swings. I mean BAD ones! The type that make me want to run away from myself! Seriously... I thought I would transform into a literal beast of some sort.

And I don't think the world is ready for that type of beast to be unleashed. So instead of spraying the venom that rests just behind my sighs, I flip the switch over to observation over reaction.

Then as I looked around, I just kept seeing shit that irritated me to no ends! At first I was tempted to go against it because, "Peace and Love"... until I realized, this shadow is also a part of me and the more I fight against the grain, the more splinters I am apt to walk-away with. So I started to explore the dark tunnel within, wondering to what depths the caves went. How much darkness can exist in one being?! Well the answer to that is... "A Shit Ton times infinity plus 3!"

Thing of it is, I find myself irritated so often because I continue to surround myself with shit that is not true to who I am as a human. I tell myself that I should be all accepting and therefore force myself to swallow what appears to me as the world's most "Jagged Little Pills". True enough, we can't always control who we are around and what activities we must attend, however I have WAY more control in this matter than I give myself credit for, and that's just a simple part of this irritation.

Want to know a secret about me?... I don't like kids. There, I said it! I don't... they make me crazy! However, I do LOVE and LIKE my kids and love those of my family/friends. Yet when it comes down to it, I'd rather skip out on the play groups that involve mothers putting on their best high-pitched voices and oohing and awing over simple shit. It's just not my cuppa.

Yet at the same time... I do get it. All of it because as much as it makes me cringe, I've been there, done that and got the t-shirt.

And while I'm on my, "that really grinds my gears", episode. I also really cannot stand "Me Toos"! I've tried, I mean really tried to be more accepting and understanding, but DAMN! I get that we are reflections of each other, but if someone has a me too moment off of every-single-thing I say, then I'm going to start to wonder if you're (A) lying or (B) "single white femal'ing" me. Real Talk.

There's tons more shit that gets on my nerves, but you know how I feel about venting and not taking action to change... I don't want to be a whiner. SOOOOOOO, instead I'm just gonna stop walking face first into shit I don't like. I'm going to peel up my, 'all are welcome' mat and get real for my own sanity's sake! Does this mean that I have a major disdain for people that don't fit into my warped box? (Wait that sounded wrong... Oh hell, you get my drift!)

Anywho....

No, it means that I'm just not going to voluntarily entertain things that cause me angst. Instead I'm going to continue on my journey towards being my authentic self. As for those or anything that doesn't float my boat? I won't disregard them/it; but I will not invite anguish into my life.

Make sense? lol.... that's turning into my new final statement.

*Peace and Blessings*