Holy Anxiety, Batman!..
Welcome to #TherapyThursday!
(Yea, I just totally made that up, but it works so just go with it.)
So I went to therapy, just as I have been for the past few weeks. I was a little later than usual, but still early. I mention that because I don't know if my usual timetable being thrown off could be the reason for what happened next...
So I walk into the office and take off my coat. Immediately I start feeling panicked. Heart racing, mind elsewhere; you would think I was having some sort of panic attack. Then I start explaining my "relationship" with Spirit and many of the things it entails. This ranged from anxiety before something disruptive was to take place, or the simple presence of Spirit.
As an aside, know that I'm still in the learning stage of this whole... Sensitive Thing (If I were to give it a label).
Anywho, there is a notable difference in my behavior. I start dry heaving, mind scattered... I'm all over the place (figuratively speaking). This makes me more anxious and self-aware because I don't know what is taking me to this place. Is it Spirit? Is it my medication? Is it something I ate?
Then I start seeing shadows all around the office. As I see them I am trying to remain calm and sort my true feelings from what is taking place around me; all while my therapist is asking me questions and inquiring into my feelings. I become completely self-conscious.
"Is she judging me?" ...
"No, she is curious and wants to know more..."
"She can plainly see that I'm not making any of this up and that it's taking a toll on me."
I start to wonder if what I'm feeling is related to a message meant for her or if I'm simply picking up the emotions of those that have been in the same room, or even same chair as me.
"There is a woman sobbing into a tissue or hanky..."
"There is a man with short hair... reminds me of the military."
I keep going from completely self-aware to seeing these shadows and I feel as though I'm losing my mind. I have to remind myself that we are only given as much as we can handle.
...She is acknowledging how lonely these feelings and visions must make me feel. She sees the weight that they place on my shoulders. All while I'm trying to look for the good so that I don't feel as if I'm completely losing the plot.
"Why am I feeling this way?! Why can't I stop dry heaving?!..."
Today is heavy and I'm still searching for answers. However I know that this is somehow related to Spirit and will be revealed in due time. In the meantime, I wait with bated breath for all truths to be revealed so that I might understand and not feel so alone.
Do you know what I mean?...
*Peace and Blessings*
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