Who I Am
I've been making several new discoveries about myself lately. For one I recognize that although I try to distance myself from this label, I am a people pleaser. I literally can't help myself. I believe in filling any gaps that I may see because I want people around me to be as happy as possible. This wouldn't be seen as a 'negative' thing with the exception that it has systematically been stripping away who I am. You see, I have the tendency to try to read people in attempt of figuring out what I can do to make them stay.
I've been shining a light onto my perceptions in order to get to the true root of who I am and why I 'behave' the way I do. Mind you, this has ZERO to do with the opinions that others may have about me or my feelings; this is simply me shining a light on something that I wish to address. However, I do share because you never know who can learn from your truth.
My truth is that I've always felt like a bit of a black sheep. I was a quiet kid (outside of the house) that observed more than I put out. It didn't take me long to start feeling the need to read from some unspoken script in order to feel accepted. Yet and still I was constantly pushed out. Again, this isn't necessarily the absolute case, however it is how I FELT with regard to relationship outcomes.
Did this make me become a complete pushover?.... Nope, not at all. Yet I did notice that when I spoke my truth I would end up once again on the outside looking in. This pattern changed me to my core. I started becoming the 'neutral party' to nearly everything. I tried my best to neither agree nor disagree to people and/or situations.
The outcome of this you ask?.... I STILL found myself at the gate, waiting for permission to join the fun. So here I am, day before my birthday contemplating my behavior.
The only problem with this new understanding is the actual application! As I've said before; to know something and to apply something are two completely separate things. I can say I need a nap all day, but if I never choose to lay down and close my eyes, it's just a notion.
Perhaps I should stop thinking about things so much and just Be....
*Peace and Blessings*
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Yup, good ole abandonment issues!
I've been shining a light onto my perceptions in order to get to the true root of who I am and why I 'behave' the way I do. Mind you, this has ZERO to do with the opinions that others may have about me or my feelings; this is simply me shining a light on something that I wish to address. However, I do share because you never know who can learn from your truth.
But I digress... Back to abandonment. lol
My truth is that I've always felt like a bit of a black sheep. I was a quiet kid (outside of the house) that observed more than I put out. It didn't take me long to start feeling the need to read from some unspoken script in order to feel accepted. Yet and still I was constantly pushed out. Again, this isn't necessarily the absolute case, however it is how I FELT with regard to relationship outcomes.
Did this make me become a complete pushover?.... Nope, not at all. Yet I did notice that when I spoke my truth I would end up once again on the outside looking in. This pattern changed me to my core. I started becoming the 'neutral party' to nearly everything. I tried my best to neither agree nor disagree to people and/or situations.
The outcome of this you ask?.... I STILL found myself at the gate, waiting for permission to join the fun. So here I am, day before my birthday contemplating my behavior.
What have I learned?:
People are going to love/hate, accept you or push you away regardless of how you treat them. Now, I'm not thinking of becoming a total Dick while figuring the Universe will take care of the rest. Instead I'm seeing that I should be myself and always lead with MY truth regardless of the terror that I will be left once again.The only problem with this new understanding is the actual application! As I've said before; to know something and to apply something are two completely separate things. I can say I need a nap all day, but if I never choose to lay down and close my eyes, it's just a notion.
Perhaps I should stop thinking about things so much and just Be....
*Peace and Blessings*
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Learn more about Readings by Marisa Moments HERE
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