No Longer Invisible

Anxiety and depression have had a choke hold on my life and actions for so very long! I would find myself thinking back to years ago and wondering how I even managed to get through most days without having panic attacks. I would ask myself... "How did I get here?" Is this what my life is supposed to consist of?...

Don't get me wrong... I am very aware of my many, many blessings:

• My Husband
• My Children
• My Family
• My Friends
• My Health
• etc, etc, etc...

Yet, none of that can help a soul that is in a state of despair. Constantly wondering what is wrong with me?! Never feeling good enough for those that loved me and blaming myself for those that didn't. How does everyone get through their lives? Do they feel the pain that I feel? 

The feelings of seclusion and misunderstanding only exceeded by low self-esteem, anxiety and depression. How do I get out of this hole that life has dug for me? Everyone sees some sort of strength in me that I've been blindly searching for... Where should I be looking? How do I keep missing my own assets, yet can clearly see that in others? 

I exist with endless questions and few answers. 

Spoiler Alert:

• I've been the sole culprit in writing the internal story of my own demise. 
• I felt invisible because that's how I chose to exist, it was my comfort zone. 

So what's different now?.... I honestly don't know. Hope has been written across my heart and I've given myself permission to not only enjoy moments as they occur; but I've decided to write a new curve in the story that is my life. Yes, "when we plan, God laughs" but the thing that my "gifts" have taught me is that we still have choices. We can choose to walk into darkness and find comfort in the downward spiral to which it takes us; or we can choose the light. 

Right now my heart soars with possibility! Does this mean I don't have to watch-out for going back to the slide?... Nope. I understand that my struggle is very real; I'm just not going to let that struggle define my todays for the rest of my tomorrows. 

*Peace and Blessings*

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